Bad week...again

well its been...quite a week
i failed my calculus test...and giving tha fact that its the 2nd time i take this subject...
I had the most depressing weekend...this seems to be becoming a routine...
Im just at the bottom...feels like everything its just falling apart 2 fast 4 me to pick things up...
i jst feel like sleeping throught life... I got sick for weeks last month....first bronquitis, them otitis and synusitis....i t was awfull... ive got no insurance so it was kinda hard to get a doctor...
them i failed the test..and well gosh
I felt so alone on friday when i came back cryin from college because of it...and I stepped in my bedroom and i couldn't find a way to communicate with anyone who could make me feel better... I feel like everything its just going the wrong way... I feel like Im some sort of "walkin murphy's law" what can go wrong WILL go wrong...and most of all, I feel ALONE... i wont use the term lonely because i think alone defines it better... i found myself crying on the corner of my bed huggin an stuffed lion that my boyfriend gave me a year ago... I even cried in front of the teacher...im sure he thought i was taking my failed test in a to dramatic way... but it was more than that... i had a lot of frustration accumulated and it just came out... I will want to be swallowed by the ground next time i have to go to class...it was the most embarassing thing ever..mostly because I hardly ever cry in front of people...but i just couldn't contain myself, suddenly I saw my grade and, it was like I needed this to go right...i NEEDED it....and this hole mix of frustation, anger at myself, disappointment and helplessness just came down my check as a warm drop that I couldn't control, there i,t was I couldn't stop crying I had to go return the test and the teacher looked at me and said: "Come on Tuesday and we will review what went wrong". I wanted to kill myself, he felt sorry for me, i felt his pityness coming right at me. I hate that feeling, I always wanted to be the kind of person you envy,one of those people you see and think "He/She is so lucky" or "Iwish I could be like that", not the kind that you feel sorry for, but somehow i always end up there. I feel pathetic, alone and missunderstood, tomorrow its monday, tomorrow they will tell me that i failed the chemistry test too. I wish i could go home, for at least one day, i know, that wouldnt change things, but i just feel like if i could feel safe and loved for at least a while i would get the strenght that i need to get throught all this, or again it migth not change a thing. I wish i could have a time machine SOO bad, but well who doesn't..
Im not even sure when would i go...but im sure it wouldnt be "now". So basically, im depressed...again, like a buch of "emo" kids i guess, im just trying to be strong one more time, I keep trying to convince myself that it will get better with time, thought time just seems to get it worse, im pretty sure there will be a moment at the bottom where things just have to change for good, and well, seeing how things are going I really hope this moment comes soon, because im running out of strength.

Depressin Sunday

Well. theres something about sundays that makes me feel down, and this one is not the exception. Well im lying on my bed eating apple pie and drinking beer (wich i never drink but i found one in my fridge) im also watchin "2 weeks notice" sandra bullock's movie, and of course I ve just had a huge fight with my boyfriend, wich makes no sense since we're more than a thousand miles away...yes im in a long distance relationship- i dont know why,sayin it like that makes me feel like an alcoholic in a AA's reunion- i also havent done anything of the huge pyle of homework papers accumulating in my desk of chemistry, physics and calculus...damn, i h8 sundays...i guess sundays h8 me back..

....whatever

i miss you

ok...finally a Happy post..

OMG....im shocked

Well, i was just watchin the wma's, and fuck they tottally got with this britney thing, i know if i tuned it too late and she had already perform or (as I imagine) she didn't perform at all so in that case...FUCK U MTV...damn I was dying 2 see brits comeback...REAL comeback not that lame last years lipsynch lame dancin, bad underwear, bad wig...anyways...i hate mtv they fooled me...

so i was watchin the wmas and this new band was winning many awards..Tokio Hotel is the name..and they stod up and as they were walkin to the stage i thougth "oh another punk band with a female vocalist"(like paramore, wich i loov).....them the girls starts to thank ppl...an OH MY GOSH...she has the most manly voice ive ever heard in a girl..wtf...wait could be..No no way..is that a guy?..sooo i gloogle it

and guess what..


yessss...THIS is a guy...omgfg...i thougth derick barry was the only one....amazing he/she looks more like a girl than stupid miley cyrus...












see? deep down im really shallow?

well...gossip girl is baaack =)...well first chapter was kinda lame..i was a little dissapointed...serena and got back...hmm...it was a bit lamee...but i hope it gets better xoxo =)

todays mood: cheery =) (lets see 4 how long..)

Se BusCa GeNtE BuEnA (buena de verdad)

Trato de sacar de mi vida la gente que me doy cuente q no necesito, q pense q necesitaba, pero en realidad no...
Quien necesita gente falsa, gente interesada, gente cobarde? pero..q trago amargo darse cuenta... no es tan facil deshacerte de una persona en la q alguna vez confiaste..pero conviene hacerlo... yo solo espero q esto me traiga paz... mas q todo eso es lo q necesito paz... tranquilidad... asi q voy a tratar de dejar q las cosas fluyan... q el tiempo pase y q no me mortifique

RaiN LeTs Me See CLeArLy...

Hace poco mi madre me envio un mail, uno de esos Fowards q te llenan la cuenta de hotmail y ya ni lees, estuve a punto de no abrirlo pero lo hice...tenia una pequeña introduccion escrita por mi madre que decia q estaba en un mal momento y decicdio abrirlo y le dio muchos animos. En fin el mail trataba sobre una hica q llegaba donde su madre contandole q tenia un monton de problemas y su madre le preparaba una torta para alegrarla, y mientras la cocinaba le decia: ¿Te comerias 3 huevos rudos, una taza de harina. una cucharada de mantequilla? y por supuesto la chica le respondia q no, al final la madre le enseñaba toda una leccion de vida explicandole q todas estas cosas desagradales juntas al final resultan es algo delicioso, y q asi es la vida. La verdad esq me levanto bastante el animo leer el mail, soretodo por el mal momento q estoy pasando, me ayudo a buscarle el lado positivo a las cosas. De todo se ApReNdE
Hoy, aprendi de amistad, hoy aprendi q los malos momentos te abren los ojos.. Aprendi q amigo no es el q no se pierde tu fiesta de cumple, o siempre se emborracha contigo, es muy facil ser amigo de alguien cuando esta feliz. Amigo es el q esta en los malos momentos, aunq no este siempre, el q se sienta a escucharte 2 horas seguidas quejarte de lo mal q te fue en un examen, elq no te da siempre la razon, el que abre los ojos si hiciste algo mal, el q es sincero, te dice las cosas como son, el que intenta ponerse en tus zapatos, entenderte. Amigo es q el q no solo esta cuando las cosas estan bien, si no el q esta cuando de verdad lo necesitas.
He llegado a la conclusion de que la amistad es una cualidad de las personas, que no todas poseen. No todo el mundo sabe ser amigo, por eso es tan dificil encontrar verdaderos amigos y por eso hay q saber conservarlos.
Es lo bueno de los malos momentos, te ayudan a distiguir al q es amigo del el q la pasa bien contigo o simplemente no lo es, te ayudan a descubrir a los que pensaste q siempre estarian ahi, y hoy no estan e incluso a los que siempre estuvieron ahi, pero los diste por sentado.


Well i guess I keep learning...meanwhile I'll b Waiting 4 the RainBoW

Waiting For the Rainbow..