Bad week...again

well its been...quite a week
i failed my calculus test...and giving tha fact that its the 2nd time i take this subject...
I had the most depressing weekend...this seems to be becoming a routine...
Im just at the bottom...feels like everything its just falling apart 2 fast 4 me to pick things up...
i jst feel like sleeping throught life... I got sick for weeks last month....first bronquitis, them otitis and synusitis....i t was awfull... ive got no insurance so it was kinda hard to get a doctor...
them i failed the test..and well gosh
I felt so alone on friday when i came back cryin from college because of it...and I stepped in my bedroom and i couldn't find a way to communicate with anyone who could make me feel better... I feel like everything its just going the wrong way... I feel like Im some sort of "walkin murphy's law" what can go wrong WILL go wrong...and most of all, I feel ALONE... i wont use the term lonely because i think alone defines it better... i found myself crying on the corner of my bed huggin an stuffed lion that my boyfriend gave me a year ago... I even cried in front of the teacher...im sure he thought i was taking my failed test in a to dramatic way... but it was more than that... i had a lot of frustration accumulated and it just came out... I will want to be swallowed by the ground next time i have to go to class...it was the most embarassing thing ever..mostly because I hardly ever cry in front of people...but i just couldn't contain myself, suddenly I saw my grade and, it was like I needed this to go right...i NEEDED it....and this hole mix of frustation, anger at myself, disappointment and helplessness just came down my check as a warm drop that I couldn't control, there i,t was I couldn't stop crying I had to go return the test and the teacher looked at me and said: "Come on Tuesday and we will review what went wrong". I wanted to kill myself, he felt sorry for me, i felt his pityness coming right at me. I hate that feeling, I always wanted to be the kind of person you envy,one of those people you see and think "He/She is so lucky" or "Iwish I could be like that", not the kind that you feel sorry for, but somehow i always end up there. I feel pathetic, alone and missunderstood, tomorrow its monday, tomorrow they will tell me that i failed the chemistry test too. I wish i could go home, for at least one day, i know, that wouldnt change things, but i just feel like if i could feel safe and loved for at least a while i would get the strenght that i need to get throught all this, or again it migth not change a thing. I wish i could have a time machine SOO bad, but well who doesn't..
Im not even sure when would i go...but im sure it wouldnt be "now". So basically, im depressed...again, like a buch of "emo" kids i guess, im just trying to be strong one more time, I keep trying to convince myself that it will get better with time, thought time just seems to get it worse, im pretty sure there will be a moment at the bottom where things just have to change for good, and well, seeing how things are going I really hope this moment comes soon, because im running out of strength.